This post is a personal one for me. I've been thinking about how I was going to write this and if I was ever going to get this on here. There are only two people in my life that I've spoken to about this and they're two of my close girlfriends. Why I'm choosing to share this with all of you is because I love helping people and I believe that this will help you in one way or another. Ever since I was younger (10) I was always 'bigger' then my sisters. Nicknames like 'Fat-ass' and 'fatty' stuck on until I was mid way through uni. Family members talked about our size difference and that made me feel insecure about my body. I was an insecure, self- conscious girl who lacked confidence growing up and I hated the fact that people used to compare our body sizes. haha in fact bloody hell that was how some of them differentiated me from my twin. Growing up, I always listened to what people said about my body and I began to accept the fact that I was 'fat' when I was far from that. I used to look at myself in the mirror saying 'I'm so fat'. I never realized however, that I only felt that way because I was doing to myself what people did to me. I was COMPARING myself to my sisters. And listen here guys, it made me feel horrible. I was constantly unhappy and dissatisfied with my body. Yes, I starved myself, yes I shoved a toothbrush down my throat getting everything that I ate out. Is that healthy? Nope it certainly wasn't. I mean what was I doing to my body and my health? It was not at all good. I'm only 21 and I'm still learning to love myself and be happy with ME and my body. In this process of self learning I've come to learn and accept that those comments that people made and still make about me looking like a 'LAYS' bag of chips is not going to affect me anymore. I'm honestly fed-up and its tiresome when you listen and believe what people say about you. Those comments used to validate what I thought about the size of my body. I never realized how shitty and unhealthy it was to accept and believe what people think and say about you. Well news flash guys, no one knows you better than you do! You know yourself best and don't you ever let those comments that people say about you validate who you are and the way you look. Ask yourself this: Do those comments make me feel good? Do I like feeling this way? If the answer is no, then don't make yourself feel the way I did. It's a learning process and it takes time for you to accept who you are and your body and to love and embrace every inch of it. But when you do, when you feel that happiness and when you find that happiness within yourself not a single one of that negative horseshit comment can break you or make you feel insecure. Like for God's sake, to be honest with you, this is a first for me but I love my body. Like I freaking love it! I love my 34-inch arse and the fact that I don't have and need and want a thigh gap. I feel good about the way I look now and it's absolutely ridiculous that people think I'm fat. Just the thought of people calling me that makes me laugh. I still work out and try to eat healthy when I can, I still indulge in junk food because I let myself have a little treat. I used to put so much pressure on myself to look good, to be as skinny as my sisters and to have a thigh gap. Well boo-freaking-hoo stop comparing yourselves to others, not every body is designed to have a thigh gap cause nobody, like honestly no body is the same. There are more than a billion people in this world but we're all different and special. Yes even us twins. When you learn to believe that, you will feel so flipping good about yourself. So stop being a follower and start being a leader. Be your leader. Love yourself and love your body shut out those negative comments cause they're not going to make you feel any better. It's all up to you when you make that choice. Love yourself you guys, LOVE yourself. God loves you just the way you are :)

                                                                            <3 X

Anyway, I'm going to finish my bottle of green tea that's gotten cold now and continue reading this amazing book by Judith O'Reilly titled 'A Year of Doing Good'. Feeling a tad bit better now that I've expressed how I feel! I love you guys and I hope y'all love yourselves too :)

This isn't what you think it is! (as per the title) hahah you dirty dirty minds you! Well I'm currently interning at a hotel under the sales and marketing department. Sixth week in, 6 more weeks to go! and my boss wants me to remain here as a permanent staff but I've yet to come to a decision. 

I've had this thought running in my mind for a couple days now and I am still partially clueless as to what I'm deciding to go on with. It's quite stressful and not easy I must say! 

Something I've learnt from this is don't do or settle for something because you don't mind doing it. We all have dreams and accomplishments that we'd love to achieve one day. A gold medal as a sign of our victory and success and accomplishment and reward.  My dream is to own my first ever fragrance ranging from perfumes to body mists then expanding to scented candles cause I LOVE scented candles and then to designing my own cool t-shirts which I already have designs of in fact. That's my ultimate dream. Right now however my second dream is to work for a fashion and beauty magazine or an events management team.

During the course of my internship I've realized that I absolutely love writing; feature lifestyle article writing that is. My body screams with excitement when I see my work being published in the hotels in-house print ads as well their social media accounts and Website. It certainly gives me pleasure and I feel proud and satisfied with my work which is amazing because it drives me and keeps me motivated to performing even better and bringing it up a notch for the next project assigned.

So, as of now, I still have yet to make my decision as to which career path I will essentially sail into once I've completed my internship program but I know prayers will help me with that.